Oftentimes people want to change the negative circumstances, outcomes, responses and emotional attachments associated with their unwanted rewards of the chaotic cycles that seem to keep repeating in their lives.
We never intentionally keep recreating painful affects and emotional experiences in our lives, but if we never recognize the I root of the issues, then we keep treating the surface problems. It’s time to stop focusing on the fruit of the issues and cut the issues down at their roots. When the issues of the unwanted cycles keep repeating themselves, then we need to change our focus from the affects (emotional state of mind) to the effects (behavioral response). We you can began to identify your behavioral response that are directedly connected with your emotional state of mind, then you have begun to cut the issues at it roots.
During, the majority of my 16-year marriage, I was very unhappy, frustrated and bitter. I would constantly argue with my husband because I felt as though he was choosing spending time with his friends rather than spending time with me and the children. This produced many arguments and unwanted emotions for me, even to the point where it began to effect my health. As I began my journey to becoming a better, happier and healthier person, I realized the I had been attacking the fruit of my issues (him not spending time with me) instead of the root of the issues. I had become bitter, unhappy and disappointed with my life. When we got married I expected him to be loving, attentive, family oriented and a provider, but that was not his expectations, beliefs or desires for being married. I had unmet expectations that caused me to be angry, bitter and unhappy, always attacking the fruit of my issues and not the roots(unmet expectations, different desires, and family/marriage values or beliefs).
Why is it that we always place the blame on the effects of our issues instead of searching for the root cause of them?
I love the biblical parable to the fig tree. Jesus was hungry, so he walked upon a fig tree, look for some figs, but when he lifted the leaves there was no fruit. Now whenever the leaves are present on a fig tree its fruit should be evident. So, instead of Jesus getting mad and attacking the issues of no fruit being there, He went directly to the root of the problem. It was obviously something wrong with the fig tree that began at the roots, so he cursed the problem so that its leaves would never deceive anyone again.
Have you noticed that you have been attacking the fruit of your issues, only to keep repeating the same problems (Insanity is doing the same thing expecting a different result). Its ONLY when you identify the root of the problem, then deal and heal it, that the cycle changes and produces a wanted outcome. First, you must identify the issues before you can destroy its roots.
Stop wasting your time and emotions on the affects of your issues that are causing you to become bitter, unhappy, depressed and continually disappointed. Start focusing on the effects that will ultimately change the behavioral outcomes, to what you are desiring, rather than the ones that you keep producing.
Are you ready to break those unwanted cycles that have been controlling your life and effecting your joy?