We all have things that we want to change about certain aspects of are lives, but we may not know how.
Often I have heard people say “Just Stop! “Do something Different” or “If you really wanted to change you would! I have even told people these same statements, not understanding that sometimes you just don’t know how to change! We give people the 8, 12 and 15 steps to change but we never teach them how not to repeat the steps!
Recently I attended a certification training that is based on the theorical approach Motivational Interviewing. The Motivational Interviewing Model teaches the therapist how to ask open ended questions, give lots of affirmations, reflect the statements back to the client and summarize all they have shared within your sessions. It also shares the steps of change Pre-contemplation (They are not ready to change), Contemplation (Maybe one day I will change), Determination (Committed to change but they don’t know what to do), Action( they are taking steps to Change), Maintenance ( they have achieved the goal and working to maintain the change and then it is the Relapse Step ( Life happens and you go back to the same negative habits). As I have taught this model many times before being a substance abuse counselor, what puzzles my mind is that the model/cycle is built for failure. Once a trauma happens in a person’s life they seem to relapse and eventually must start from step one again.
How many times have you wanted desperately to change a negative behavior? Do you feel like you are on a merry go round? Are you tired of repeating the SAME Unwanted Cycles?
What I have noticed, and I share with my clients is that we all know what to do to STOP the unwanted behaviors, BUT what we lack is the step that teaches us how not to RETURN to the Unwanted Behaviors when life happens. This step teaches how to factor in the traumatic events that happen in life, THEN you add in the SAFE Guards that will keep you from relapsing. When you Preplan for the Traumas, the When Life Happens and the I did NOT see this coming. You will have already planned out emotionally what you need to do to quickly bounce back instead of relapsing Back.
When You Preplan to succeed when life happens you Don’t experience the relapse!